darwin award near-miss

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When I had pneumonia last week, I walked out on the balcony in order to shake some dust from some linens. Not wanting the dust to blow back into my house, I shut the door behind me. And then...sickeningly...

Click.

EXT.—JOHN'S HOUSE—MORNING

Attired only in a t-shirt and underwear, no phone or neighbor within sight, our staggeringly moronic hero considers what the morning chill will do for his pneumonia. Weak as a starving kitten, he finally decides to climb up on the roof and inch around its slick incline in his bare feet, then jimmy a window and climb into the house. The 15' fall would probably just maim him. The raccoons will kill him.

I made it, obviously. The thought of the ensuing eulogies made my feet positively prehensile.