The survey results are in, and although I didn't gather any great ideas for the next great masterwork (Your #1 request is a whole book about Ed? Seriously? "Chapter 17: Coming home to discover Lake Pissicaca"), there were a few suggestions that at least merit exploration here.
for me, I've always been curious about that post where you and a new girlfriend were out and you were both hedging about shitty childhoods. You said something in that post about 'you just decide to get over it.' And I don't know how you've gotten from there to here, but on a number of occasions, I've wanted to have a drink with you and ask you that question.A drink? Sorry, nowadays I only drink to excess.
I'm afraid there's no secret for me to share. It just is. I didn't decide to get over anything. It was more of a philosophical change that evolved over time, when I recognized that by letting my family affect me, I was complicit in, even integral to, my own misery. There was no therapy, no self-help book, no great epiphany that led me to that point. I just got fed up enough that I said "fuck 'em." They did all the hard work.
If there was one seminal moment where someone articulated this notion to me, I know exactly when it was. It was actually years after I told my family to piss off, in the immediate Fucking Amy aftermath. I was reeling and despondent, and Beth's was the shoulder I saturated most. She was unfailingly patient and caring. I don't know how someone can listen to that much psychotic hurt, over and over and over, without seriously investigating a murder-suicide thing. But she did. She probably logged two man-months of listening to me whine pitiably. Finally, after lasting much longer than a lesser person possibly could have, the Most Intelligent Person I've Ever Known gently booted me in the ass.
"John, I want to say something. And I want you think about it before you respond."
"Okay..."
"If this chick ruins your life, whose fault is that, really?"
Harsh. Dead on, but harsh. And I didn't get it immediately; I heard it but couldn't feel it. Which is why TMIPIEK insisted that I think about it for while. By then she was accustomed to pausing so I could catch up.