I considered sending the major Presidential candidates a debate invitation, then publishing their responses here. That's where the plan completely disintegrates, of course: getting responses. It occurs to me, though, that at this late stage of the primary game, we already know the responses by heart.
Stank: Sen. Obama, how will you meet your campaign promises and both fund social programs and balance the budget?
Obama: A good question, one weighing heavily on my mind since back when I opposed the war in Iraq from Day One.
Stank: Is that it?
Obama: Day. One.
Stank: Sen. Biden, this is what you called "clean and articulate?"
Biden: I'm just going to stop talking to media altogether.
Stank: Good call. Sen. Clinton, how come you dropped your maiden name when you started running for office? Is that like when Joe Theisman changed the pronunciation of his name to rhyme with "Heisman?"
McCain: Are you ever going to ask a Republican a question? I haven't been treated this bad since I was a prisoner in Hanoi. Maybe you'd better write that down. That's "H-a-n-o-i."
Clinton: As for my maiden name, I experienced that experience. Which reminds me, it's time for the nation to experience the experienced.
Stank: Jesus H. Christ.
Huckabee, Romney: Yes?
Stank: False alarm. I was just swearing.
Huckabee, Romney: Despite our mutual, lifelong affinity for oppressive zealots, we suddenly and publicly support your right to do so.
Stank: Really.
Huckabee, Romney: No, not really.
Stank: Mr. Guiliani, how do you respond to charges that you're a cutthroat, vindictive assh—what are you writing there? Why are you adding me to a list of names? I'm right under Dan Fogelberg?!
Guiliani: Please. Continue with your question. Oh, and 9/11.
Stank: Um. Mr. Kucinich, have you seen the aliens lately?
Kucinich: We did lunch just yesterday.
Stank: Finally, an honest politician.