As luck, mostly of the female variety, would have it, I have an extra $400 ticket to an upcoming Ohio State game. My first thought was my old friemisis d'Andre. Then he reminded me that he'd already declined six months ago. He's going to be out of town.
"Okay, then," I said cheerfully. "I'll take your wife."
Silence.
"And pour alcohol into her afterward."
Speechless, he made a priceless sound. Kinda a gurgle.