Thank you, sir, for setting the bar so incredibly low.
Thanks for your porn stash. Thanks for mooching. Thanks for making her feel lonely when you're right there. Thanks for never once viewing the world through anyone's eyes but your own. Thanks for blaming her for your utter incompetence in bed. Thanks for trying to guilt her into lowering her expectations, rather than trying to meet them. Thanks too for being bad with money, for flirting with the admin at work, for being lazy, for not bathing, for making her clean up your spooge rags, for volunteering that you "wouldn't mind" if she got cosmetic surgery, for putting in no more than the bare minimum effort necessary to keep her. Most of all, thank you for not listening.
You're my bread and butter, man. I owe you.