Three notorious assholes made me proud this week.
First, Letterman skillfully humiliated Bill O'Reilly, although I doubt the latter would admit it. O'Reilly was doing what he does best—overgeneralizing, inventing false dichotomies, introducing straw men only to beat the crap out of them—and Letterman deftly pointed out each. When a frustrated O'Reilly tried to trap Letterman, the following exchange occurred.
Bill: "So quick question, Dave. Do you want to win the war in Iraq or not?"Asshole #2 is one Bobby Knight, legendary college basketball coach, who kicked his leading scorer off the team because the kid wasn't studying for class. A bigger set of balls, you will never find. This is a man, after all, who once cut Charles Barkley from the Olympic team for merely having an attitude.Dave: "Well, that's a complex question. By 'win' do you mean—"
Bill: "It's a simple question. Just answer it."
Dave: "There are a lot of things to cons—"
Bill (angry): "Do you want to win or not? It's a simple question."
Dave: "See, the thing is, it's not so simple for me, because I'm thoughtful."
Speaking of whom, no asshole census would be complete without our checking in on Sir Charles, after whom this page is affectionately named. To my utter delight, Charles weighs in on bald white guys shaving their heads:
"I will say this, and not to sound racist, but one of the great travesties of American history is white men who are afraid to shave their heads, thinking they're going to have an ugly head. There's nothing wrong with their heads. But some of these hairdos, they've got to go, they've got to come on home. Shave their damn heads. There's nothing wrong with your head. Sometimes I see some of these guys with the comb-overs or the bad toupees, and I'm like, Hey man, do you think you should shave that shit? Ain't nothing going to be wrong with your head. The myth that white men can't shave their head is just that, it's a myth."