time to man up and face this tar baby

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I've previously written about the hijacked words "queer" and "uppity" and how I refuse to stop using them. More so with "calling a spade a spade," a phrase that the Greek writer Lucian used some 1800 years before "spade" became an American racial epithet. True, Lucian also used "calling a fig a fig," but I suspect people would stare at me even more than they do for "spade." The fact remains that there's no racial origin or intent, no reason for offense, and most importantly, no comparable expression that can be easily substituted. Sorry about the demons of your imagination and all, but I'm usin' it.

Which brings us to two cherished phrases in my lexicon: the verb "man up" and the noun "tar baby." Let's do the less controversial one first. Man up means to step up, to do the mature thing and accept responsibility. There's an implication that the person in question has been morally weak.

Bob, I need you to man up and apologize to her.
A great verb. An irreplaceable verb. And I still use it in the context of men. But what's the gender-neutral equivalent? What would I use were the subject "Everyone" or "Tammy?"

Now for the irreplaceable phrase "tar baby." I know this is fighting a losing battle. A tar baby of a usage problem, it is. Most of my life, I'd used this as a metaphor for traps from which I could not extricate myself—usually unwanted projects at work.

The Windows release notes are a complete tar baby. The more I struggle to get rid of them, the more stuck to them I become.
A milder version of the same metaphor: "She's like a booger on my finger. There's just no shaking her."

The tar baby story has its roots in ancient African folklore, and it became known in this country primarily though the now-banned Uncle Remus cartoons. (A racism rule of thumb: if something uses "Uncle" or "Aunt"...warning! Sorry, Ben and Jemima.) Somewhere in the translation, "tar baby" became a racial epithet. Me, I wasn't even aware of this connotation until maybe five years ago. I'm not real conversant in racial slurs, I'm afraid. I'm not alone; the Massachusetts governor was recently crucified for using "tar baby" to describe the never-ending "big dig" construction project in Boston.

So okay, fine. Out of sensitivity, I won't use "man up" or "tar baby." What should I use instead? "grow up and do what it is you do not want to do" and "like a quagmire, only more of a deliberate trap" don't exactly flow.