A writer called the guy down the hall a "cocksucker."
I took the opportunity to derail the staff meeting before it could even begin. "You know I'm told that's a gay slur?" I said.
"No!"
"Yes."
"No! Why?!?"
"Do I really have to explain?" said the incredulous gay guy.
The writer shook her head in denial. "No, no, no. That never even crossed my mind. A gay slur? Really? My whole life, that never crossed my mind."
Mine neither. The c-word is, in fact, a staple of my daily lexicon, and homosexuality is never remotely on my mind when I use it. Well, no, that's not entirely true. Every time I use the word, in my head I hear Stan the Flake responding, as he often did, with a mock-flirty "Oh, John. It juthst thounds tho THEXY when you thay it!" But I digress.
"Yeah, my buddy disabused me of that word a long time ago," I continued. "He said it was ragingly homophobic."
The writer would not be thrown under the bus. "But I only use that word because I hear you saying it all the time, John!"
The other staffers nodded their assent and proceeded to discuss the meaning behind my use of the term. The debate soon expanded to include my overall worth as a human being. And then I tried to change the subject.
"Okay, so what's wrong with 'buttfucking?'" Everyone groaned.
"Maybe I'm the wrong person to ask," the gay guy replied.
Complete pandemonium ensued. I work on the coolest staff around.