perhaps we'd watch if soccer were played by puppies

barbaro signI don't care about horse racing. You don't care. Two months ago, I'd never even heard of Barbaro, and I still haven't seen him race. But like many, I'm keeping one eye on his condition. It's amazing to me that networks do live broadcasts of press conferences about a horse's hoof—and that so many people watch. I do not. I get my daily update on PTI, but I still don't skip past it like I do the soccer stories.

Here, for the benefit of international readers, is one more theory on why Americans do not like soccer. It is not, as many of you say, because Americans don't play it as children. We all do. I, myself, was once yellow-carded during the pre-game introductions, contributing to my nickname of "Yellow Card." But then I turned 14 and moved on. I consider soccer to be the sport of my youth, like kick-the-can or Jarts.

No, the reason many of us yawn at soccer is the flopping. If you could get a star basketball player ejected and suspended by simply writhing in mock pain as if he bit off your testicles...well, Michael Jordan might not have any rings. His opponents' entire strategy would have centered on pretending to be assaulted by him, on getting Jordan disqualified for the next game. Any other strategy would have been foolish. So is it in soccer. The disqualification rules in soccer are so aggressive, it'd be idiotic to adopt any strategy other than targeting your opponent's star with fakery. The rules subsidize dishonorable histrionics and handicap offense. If you scored as often as you flopped, we'd watch.