the old valentine's day tradition

valentine love heartsI used to give out small boxes of chocolates on Valentine's Day, particularly to single friends and to the poor receptionists who have to process everyone else's flowers all day. I'd done this for several years when one day, suddenly and without warning, an old friend freaked out. She started speechifying. "For some time now," she said to my utter horror, "It's been apparent that you want to be more than friends..." And then she let me down rather ungently—not to mention unnecessarily. Surprised and supremely uncomfortable, I had to respond that actually, I wasn't attracted to her, and that moreover, if I were interested in a girl, I think I'd muster more than a 4-piece Whitman sampler. It was the latter part that I found most insulting.

The next year was squirmingly uncomfortable, made all the more so by the increasing sensation that this woman was going to lock me in her basement if given half a chance. By Christmas, she sent me a list of reasons why she and I should couple. I haven't seen her since.

I have since stopped the tradition. Happy Valentine's Day.