Charlie Weis single-
handedly hangs 20 points on unknown team

TEMPE (Stank Press) - Offensive genius and new Notre Dame coach Charlie Weis, wearer of four Super Bowl rings and architect of the world champion New England Patriots' offense, personally scored 20 points in the Fiesta Bowl tonight. "If this offense looks familiar, it should! That's the Patriots' offense! He's got four Super Bowl rings," said commentator Brent Musberger. "So he knows a thing or two about playing in big games!" Musberger pointed out that while Weis' unknown opponent needed to amass 617 yards of total offense in order to score 34 points, Weis' team required only 348 yards to score 20. "Now that's an efficient offense!" Musberger gushed. "They only needed to gain 12 yards per point, whereas the other guys needed 18 yards per! That's why Charlie Weis has four Super Bowl rings!"

"Four Super Bowl rings!" added Gary Danielson.

"Patriots!" concluded Musberger.