All the drippy "What I'm thankful for" blogs are making my teeth hurt. Enough of that spooge. Things I'm thankful for:
- That when Christy said "Let's go around the table and say what we're thankful for," one snarl from me was all it took to crush the notion.
- Presidential term limits.
- Mortality. The loftiest service most people will ever perform is being food for worms.
- People who bet on themselves instead of relying on the easy comforts of conformity.
- Competent, self-confident women. Sexiest people on the planet.
- That I can tell myself from other people without checking IDs.
- Dog incontinence meds.
- With the exception of Catherine Bach's conspicuous absence, that my life very closely resembles what I wished for when I was a kid. (And have you seen Catherine Bach lately, anyway?)
- That my binge-drinking, wife-abusing, child-beating, cross-dressing, justifiably self-loathing excuse for a father remains quite dead.
- Solomon Burke. After a weekend of listening to Bubba's British pop and, god help me, Vanilla Ice, Solomon hath detoxed my bloodstream and healed my soul.
- Bosses who get me. Particularly Terrell, Annette and Carla. They knew when I was dying inside and skillfully ensured that I wouldn't have to suffer fools for long. I wish I could squish them all into one woman. With a brown ponytail. And low standards.
- That none of the women whose assurances of infertility I stupidly believed have shown up with John Jr. Yet.
- That I don't have to invent mythology or people to feel like my life has purpose.
- That Microsoft just can't seem to stop sending me money.
- Editors who went into the field on purpose and educated themselves accordingly.
- Ben Roethlesberger and Troy Smith.
- It took me this long to mention Sue Bird? Uber-thanks for Sue Bird.