As the excitement for Football Weekend '05 builds, I'm in a reflective mood. I've been to about half the NFL stadiums at this point, and a mish-mash of Division 1A college stadiums, and I've met a lot of fans. This morning I got to thinking about what constitutes the best fan. Is it rowdiness? Noisiness? The willingness to weather tough games and help rally the team? Friendliness toward a couple of schmucks from Seattle who have no grill of their own? It's all these things, so I'm not going to hand out a "best overall" category. That leaves plenty of other awards, though. I'll throw in stadiums, too.
Best collegiate experience: Boston College. Oh sure, the Big Ten and SEC teams have great traditions, too, but they're so enormous that something can't help but be lost. Me, I liked Alumni Stadium. We went when the leaves were turning, and New England in autumn can't be beaten. Lots of tailgating; we found the mooching easy. The stadium itself is small and accessible, bordered on all sides by the old brick buildings of campus, and the students were the dominant presence. The cheerleaders lead cheers, and the male fans bench-press their girlfriends whenever BC scores. As it should be. A pure, lively experience.
Weirdest collegiate experience: Stanford. Tailgating under palm trees? With wine and brie? The band's halftime show: "A Salute to Professors Who Require Their Own Textbooks."
College fans most likely to stuff singles into cheerleaders' g-strings: University of Miami (FL) A hideous experience, devoid of college atmosphere. No band. No fight song. No student section. Little tailgating. No traditions. No alumni. No buildup in the local media. Hideous, antiquated stadium in the ugly part of town. (Well, that's not fair. Most of Miami is ugly.) Booze at the stadium. Ads for Bacardi. And on top of all that, my biggest pet peeve: stripper-style cheerleaders. There was nothing remotely collegiate about the experience, which given Miami's academic standards and graduation rate, is probably appropriate.
Most chills: Lambeau Field. If you can walk up Lombardi Ave. and across that parking lot, between the tailgaters huddling over the warmth of their grills, snow falling in flakes the size of golf balls, wind swirling, the yellow stadium letters barely legible through the snow; if you can walk to row 26 and realize, with a start, that there's only one section of seats, like in a high school stadium, that row 26 is really row 26; if you can brush six inches of snow off your seat and not mind the middle-aged women behind you digging their knees into your back because it's a source of warmth; if you can watch Farve in his prime throw an out across his body and put it where no one else could put in 100 tries; if you can watch all these things and not get chills, call the coroner. We have a stiff.
Fans kindest toward strangers: Oakland. Yeah, I was surprised too. I've never been welcomed like I was in Oakland. Warm, sweet, welcoming fans everywhere I went. This was easily the most diverse fan group, too. I didn't see exclusively posh white couples with opera glasses and tricked-out Benz SUVs like in Houston.
Fans who changed my mind about them: New England. I went to Foxboro not caring about the Patriots or their fans. I left despising them and vowing never to return. The most self-obsessed, moronic, hateful fans I've ever met. 99% of the racist, sexist, and homophobic remarks I've heard in this decade occurred over two days in Boston. An appalling experience.
Favorite pro stadium: Baltimore. Everyone has something to admire: Charlotte has great sight-lines, Pittsburgh the Great Hall, Tampa Bay the pirate ship. But Baltimore's stadium is pure football-watching delight. Comfortable seats with great sight-lines, great monitors, short rows so you're not constantly standing up. My favorite building, despite the fans, who are none too bright.
Worst pro stadium: Giants Stadium. I won't hand out a "best," but I know the worst. Accessible from nowhere, a horrible multi-purpose stadium with terrible angles and a serious dungeon quality. But the seats are comfortable, so there's that.
Coolest fan feature: Heinz Field's "Great Hall" There's nothing else like it in the league. Imagine a cavernous concession area running the length of the stadium. Now fill it with museum-like exhibits (uniforms, game balls, old players' lockers, trophies, etc.), a TV studio with fan seating and an ampitheatre for live music. As soon as you see it, you wonder why every stadium doesn't have such a venue for fans.
Most drunken fans: Jacksonville. It was on a Monday night, which makes it worse, but I still have to give them the nod. Kansas City was awful close.
Fans most in need of a drink: Seattle. I promise cheering doesn't cause permanent embarrassment. Honest.
Worst parking: Kansas City. Holy shit. Imagine driving a road that forms an immense downward spiral of perhaps 8 revolutions, and people are parking 20-deep on either side of the spiraling road. At the bottom of the spiral is an enormous parking lot. You park there. Now imagine everyone leaving at once.
Most criminal fans: Baltimore. Like players, like fans, I guess. I've seen glass bottles thrown from the upper deck at rival fans below. And I've heard a player on his radio show tell fans not to attack Steeler fans in the stadium. "Wait until they go into the bathroom. There are no cameras in there." We have a winner.