Originally published April 11, 2005
I was getting breakfast at the MetamuMart this morning and a horrifying flyer caught my eye:
First Annual Metamuville Talent Show
"How many spoons acts can you stand?" I asked Kiki, the store owner.
"It gets worse," she groaned. "There are no fewer than three square dancing demos."
This got me thinking. What are the five scariest-assed words in the English language? "First Annual Metamuville Talent Show" is bad, but not the worst. I see four distinct genres.
You have the professional:
- Can you shut the door?
- Stop fishing the company pier!
- We are making some changes.
- Thank you for your contributions.
- Khristi is in your building.
The familial:
- Will you be my executor?
- I just arrived at SeaTac.
- Maria has a new theory.
- How much do you make/did this cost?
- I'll pay you right back.
The friendshippy:
- So, I have some news!
- That's not what Karen said.
- How goes the love life?
- So I have this friend.
The romantic:
- Know what your problem is?
- My parents are both living.
- How old is this condom?
- Did the condom just tear?
- I'm late. I'm never late.
- Oh. Yeah. I'm HIV positive.
and my winner, also romantic:
- We really need to talk.