Originally published December 10, 2004
Dear Approval Whore,
Certain though I am that this date in history holds no significance for you, I will never forget....oh, never mind.
Whadya know, you were right. Try though you gamely did, you weren't able to hurt me as much as Amy. Nevertheless, I'd be remiss if I didn't celebrate the one year anniversary of the last time I pretended I didn't know you were lying through your teeth - teeth that, as it happens, are as counterfeit as most everything else about you. Yes, a year ago today was my liberation day.
I've missed you exactly once. I was enjoying the simple pleasure of a sunset, and I thought "Gee, I wish she were here to say something pretentious to ruin this." No, of course I jest. I haven't missed you even the one time. Turns out I have little taste for the needless dishonesty and "Us" magazines littering your life. So little, in fact, it's time to stop reminiscing and move on to something more stimulating, like watching the fluorescent lights flicker.
Best,
john