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May 23, 2010

shit my boss says

Flo and beau are in my home state of Ohio, and the whining is coming in at 10¢ per text message. A sampling follows.

• • •

We are in your home town! Can you buy alcohol in grocery stores here?

Everyone here is either obese or overly tattooed or both.

We've been in Columbus 5 minutes and we're both dying for a drink.

We started drinking margaritas at 10am...tapering off...find me a liquor store.

BF at bachelor party. I am supposed to be at bachelorette party but who can be bothered? I'm drinking in B&B and watching Star Trek. WTF you doing?

Me: Your job, as it happens.
Ohio has the cleanest public bathrooms.

Christ. I'm drinker (sic) then (sic) Ive (sic, okay, I'm stopping now) been in a long time and talking to a guy who is a special forces sniper who kills people for a living. WTF with Ohio?

Me: Sorry he doesn't watch soccer and talk endlessly about Obama while his mouth is full of goat cheese and he's driving his hybrid to the winery. Come home.
Omg I want to be a sniper

I told some douchebag guy in the bar that he was dressed like a douchebag. He didn't like that.

Me: How was he dressed?
Like a douchebag

He replied "yeh well your dress looks like something I found on my picnic table." i said "what does that even mean?"


posted by john at 9:10 AM  â€¢  permalink