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September 14, 2009
ass backward
I don't know if Nelson still thinks I'm the 12 year old kid he first met, but for whatever reason, my brother-in-law is incapable of following my suggestions. If I've been somewhere before and say it's thataway, he'll go the opposite direction every single time. So was it when we were parking to tailgate.
"Remember to park head-in in the parking space."
"I wanna be able to get out later," he argued.
"This is how it's done, though. Otherwise we have to carry all that shit to the front of the car."
And then he parked and we carried all that shit to the front of the car. While our fellow fans all rested their drinks in the aft sections of their vehicles, we watched ours slide down the hood. Several people commented on our retardation. "It's called tailgating for a reason, you know," said one.
Nelson laughed goofily. "Yeah! Can you tell we're doing this for the first time?"
"Speak for yourself, motherfucker," I growled.
"What's that?"
I pointed at Nelson. "I'd just like the record to show that he is not a blood relative."
"Yeah, well, I wouldn't be doing a whole lot of bragging about my blood relatives if I was you." Touche, Nelson.
That got me thinking. "Say, Nelson," I said a little later. "I didn't have any choice but to be born into my stupid family, but you're a mystery to me. You opted in. Can you describe your decision process to marry into this pack of wolves?"
"I didn't know her well enough," he replied without the slightest trace of a smile.
posted by john at 9:48 AM • permalink