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August 14, 2008

fancy girl

Dorkass is, of course, an Amazon and a jock. She thinks nothing of knocking her boss on his ass or of ridiculing his manhood. My testicular fortitude will be mocked just for my having said that.

"You baby. Wah."

Last week she suggested that we eat apple pie on her back patio. A garden snake appeared, and suddenly, quite unexpectedly, Dorkass found her inner sorority girl. Her voice went up an octave as she levitated through the back door. "CAN YOU KILL IT?"

I looked at the snake. He looked at me. We looked at Dorkass. I wondered how someone so often accused of having no use for a penis ended up with this gig.

"How about I just toss him over the fenc—"

"HOW 'BOUT YOU JUST KILL IT!!!" she said, now levitating a foot off the kitchen floor.

I did my duty, and Dorkass bravely came outside to tell me not to leave the corpse just lying there.

posted by john at 6:09 AM  â€¢  permalink