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November 20, 2006
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From newbie Stank troll Ken: The college cheerleader of the week is Tara Warrens, from "The OSU". Now, she's a cute, athletic-looking young woman, and I fully realize that I'm old enough to be her father (shudders). My only problem is a photo in the latter stages of the pictorial, where she's with another cheerleader. What the hell is that metallic "sculpture" behind them? Is that on the campus of OSU? Is a representation of the sun's heliosphere? The solar system's Oort Cloud? If it's based on something on this planet, what is it? A piece of fruit? This curious mind wants to know. Can you help?
Stank: It's been a long time since I wondered what the hell a sculpture on OSU's campus was, but I remember the question was chronic. I used to name them. I'll see if I can find a photo of "Shit Angel." In the meantime, I have no idea what your sculpture is. I'd guess a buckeye nut, except that they have no protrusions. Which brings us to its name. I hereby christen it "Buckeye with stem and puffy areola."
Troll Joy: I just finished reading your "ballad of greg biekert". Now, I used to have a big CRUSH on Mike Tomczak, and when I lived in Chicago, I was mystified as to why my (now ex-) husband had a Mike Tomczak action figure cum voodoo doll. He used to attack the thing with ferocity during Bears games. He could not make me understand why. I think I understand better it now.
Stank: And I think I understand why your marriage failed. Your ex-husband sounds like a cultivated man. Unlike my readers.
Troll Jean: What's with the attack on liberals?
Stank: Several readers took exception to my term "the ditzy left," while others saw, correctly, that "ditzy" was a qualification. I'm not calling liberals ditzy. I'm referring to a feeble subset that's ditzy. To summarize: Joe Biden is not ditzy. Nancy Pelosi is not ditzy. Patty Murray? Ditz. Sean Penn? Ditzoli.
Paraphrasing the great P.J. O'Rourke, when I speak of the "ditzy left," I'm not talking about Democrats or liberals or even kind-hearted people. I'm talking about people who get genuinely excited about 2% of the proceeds from the sale of Ben and Jerry's going to promote world peace.
Which reminds me of another great O'Rourke line: "Republicans are the party that believes that government simply does not work. And then they get elected and prove it."
Distinguished Stank troll Bob: Do you ever feel so excited by an upcoming game that your thoughts turn to poetry?
Now for a cheer they are here, triumphant!
Here they come with banners flying,
In stalwart step they're nighing,
With shouts of vict'ry crying,
We hurrah, hurrah, we greet you now,
Hail!
Far we their praises sing
For the glory and fame they've bro't us
Loud let the bells them ring
For here they come with banners flying
Far we their praises tell
For the glory and fame they've bro't us
Loud let the bells them ring
For here they come with banners flying
Here they come, Hurrah!
Hail! to the victors valiant
Hail! to the conqu'ring heroes
Hail! Hail! to Michigan
the leaders and best
Hail! to the victors valiant
Hail! to the conqu'ring heroes
Hail! Hail! to Michigan,
the champions of the West!
We cheer them again
We cheer and cheer again
For Michigan, we cheer for Michigan
We cheer with might and main
We cheer, cheer, cheer
With might and main we cheer!
Hail! to the victors valiant
Hail! to the conqu'ring heroes
Hail! Hail! to Michigan,
the champions of the West!
Stank: You're on quite a roll, Bob. Please root against the Ohio State basketball team this March.
posted by john at 6:56 AM • permalink