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October 9, 2006
yankees, media fail
DETROIT (Stank Press) - The New York Yankees failed to win their opening round series against an unknown opponent this weekend.
"We suck," Alex Rodriquez read from a 3x5 card. "Sometimes I have to look in the mirror and admit that we suck."
The Yankees' failure to advance has led to speculation about the fate of manager Joe Torre, who had one less hit in the series than the .071-hitting Rodriquez. It's also led to speculation about what the media will do if the New York Mets, too, fail to win the championship.
"We have a contingency plan," said an evil media magnate on condition of anonymity. "I can't say what the plan is, but let's just say that there's no way the World Series will fall to a small market. It would be unconscionable for the championship to not go to a major media center."
USC football coach (and noted Calvinball ace) Pete Carroll stopped short of denying that the media might award his team an imaginary share of the World Series title. "That's interesting to think about, and one could certainly argue that there's a precedent for a retroactive split championship, but it would be unseemly for me to campaign for it," he said. "Hint, hint."
posted by john at 9:27 AM • permalink