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August 23, 2005
in defense of pat robertson
Some might think us strange bedfellows, especially after he prayed for the deaths of Supreme Court justices, but I have to throw my support behind televangelist Pat Robertson's call for the U.S. government to murder the Venezuelan dictator, Chavez. The liberal media is shrieking itself hoarse about illegalities and hypocrisies, but they should instead give Robertson credit for courageously sticking to the tenets of his faith. For doesn't the Bible tell us that:
"If a man lies with a male as with a women, both of them shall be put to death for their abominable deed; they have forfeited their lives." (Leviticus)
Oh. Wait. Wrong passage. I meant:
If...evidence of the girl's virginity is not found, they shall bring the girl to the entrance of her father's house and there her townsman shall stone her to death, because she committed a crime against Israel by her unchasteness in her father's house. Thus shall you purge the evil from your midst. (Deuteronomy)
Crap. I meant:
When a man sells his daughter as a slave, she will not be freed at the end of six years as the men are. If she does not please the man who bought her, he may allow her to be bought back again. (Exodus)
Hmmm. That's not even remotely relevant. But while we're digressing, here's my personal favorite, the justification for wives being subordinate to their husbands. Rarely do husbands asserting their biblical rights bother to quote the second part.
Wives, obey your husbands, as is proper in the Lord. Slaves, obey your human masters in everything, not only when being watched, as currying favor, but in simplicity of heart, fearing the Lord. (Colossians 3)
Okay, back on task. Which is to say, back to killing Chavez:
Anyone arrogant enough to reject the verdict of the priest who represents the LORD your God must be put to death. Such evil must be purged. (Deuteronomy)
Why, here's pretty much a blank check from God. Go to town, Pat!
Everyone who would not seek the Lord, the God of Israel, will be put to death, whether small or great, whether man or woman. (2 Chronicles)
I close with God's very welcome endorsement of male pattern baldness. Turns out He and I are of like mind on dealing with children, too.
While he was on his way, some small boys came out of the city and jeered at him. "Go up baldhead," they shouted, "go up baldhead!" The prophet turned and saw them, and he cursed them in the name of the Lord. Then two shebears came out of the woods and tore forty-two of the children to pieces. (2 Kings)
Can I get an "Amen?"
posted by john at 10:33 AM • permalink