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February 08, 2010

why i sold every last share of my microsoft stock

Three years ago, when HD-DVD and Blu-Ray were competing to become the next format, I confidently sunk $800 into a Blu-Ray player. How did I know it would win the format wars? Because Microsoft bet huge on HD-DVD. And if there's one thing I know, it's that Microsoft couldn't wipe its own ass if you gave it a mirror, map and three bloodhounds.

You probably know that too, but believe me, that degree of ineptitude permeates every corner of my life, every day. (And yes, I'm aware that that sentence came out unintentionally funny. I decided to let you enjoy it, too.)

Here's a taste of my life. Witness these two search ads, one for Bing, which Microsoft desperately wants you to use as a verb, the other for the company whose name you already do.

Remember when your middle-aged dad tried to impress your friends by saying that Wham! was, like, totally rad? That ad strikes exactly the same note. And it makes me cringe with embarrassment exactly the same way.

"Look! We, like, totally get that you think vampires are cool! We're cool too!"

Alternative intended message: "Use Bing, die horribly."

Now look at Google's brilliant ad. Simple. Elegant. Amusing. Sweet. Unmuddled. About its own product and not someone else's. And not embarrassing after 15 minutes have elapsed in pop culture.

So, to summarize these ads' messages: Google changes your life, and Bing ends it.

posted by john at 09:16 AM  •  permalink